I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think my moral compass just broke
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