I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
