VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I could fuck to npr.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
