I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
