We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
