i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize