people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize