i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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