My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
