woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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