She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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