Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
