First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
