It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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