i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Ketchup is God's man juice
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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