Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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