remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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