I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just cut my nipple shaving
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
