it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
