but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
