If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
