GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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