why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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