I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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