I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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