you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
