I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
