her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
