I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
