I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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