let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
