69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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