mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
