i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
