Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I supernannyed him into submission
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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