What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
