I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
