Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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