I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
