I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
