Swine flu. Run for my life!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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