so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
