i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
