Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
ttyl tear gas
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
