my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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