I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
