Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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