this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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