I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
