North Korea, Best Korea!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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