who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
