she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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