I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
