All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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