Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
