she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
