Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
