The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
