I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
