I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
