Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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