Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
