I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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