Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
