Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
